even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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