Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
