I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
