Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
