I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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