How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
