I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
