also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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