The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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