saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
