They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
