she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
