even my farts smell like vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
