She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
