i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
