u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
