No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
