I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
