I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That accounts for only three of the penises
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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