I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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