just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
