I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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