I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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