Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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