you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
