Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
