You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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