Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
As shirtless as possible
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
