I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
