ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
