Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
