i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize