her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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