Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How does one acquire holy water?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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