It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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