Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
