Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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