i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
