chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
