Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
