We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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