Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
