It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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