So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
