just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
