Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize