Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize