Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
