The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
