In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
