Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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