So drunk its hurt
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
