So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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