I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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