i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize