I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
