super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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