Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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