Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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