you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
