I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
