Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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