New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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