I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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