I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
