she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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