Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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